


Don't apologize

by Ninarweems



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-14 02:08:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10526649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninarweems/pseuds/Ninarweems
Summary: Cas is in the hospital and it's all Dean's fault.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Picture, but still no clue how to post them. Sorry!

*Sorry*

Tags- death 

DON'T APOLOGIZE-

Dean looked down at the broken body, pale against the white of the sheets. They'd been in the hospital for two weeks now. Castiel had been in an accident. Dean wasn't sure what happened, all he knew was that it wasn't looking good. The doctors weren't sure if he was going to make it out alive. And that terrified Dean. Losing Cas... that was something he wouldn't survive. 

Dean hadn't left the side of the bed since he'd arrived. He refused to do anything but sit there and hold Cas' hand, no matter how unresponsive the ex-angel was. Sam was the only functioning one. He made sure Dean ate food. He made sure Dean rested. He made sure Dean stayed alive. Though at this point, Dean couldn't care less whether his heart kept beating or not. Not when the sole source of his happiness lay broken before him. He couldn't lose Cas. 

The doctors came and went as the days passed. There was nothing they could say. Cas wasn't responding. His brain wasn't let him wake up. The only thing keeping him breathing was the machine he was hooked up to. The injuries were extensive. That's all they would say. They say it's up to Cas now. Medicine had done it's role. 

That made Dean feel a little better. If it was up to Cas, he would live. Right? Cas wouldn't want to die. He wouldn't say goodbye to Dean. He wouldn't leave Dean. Not now. Not after everything they had been through. All the pain and the heartache. No. They were finally happy. Cas would make it. Of that Dean was sure. 

It was the third day of the second week when Cas finally responded. Dean had been reading Cas his favorite children's story from the hospital gift shop when Cas' fingers tightened around Dean's. At first, Dean had thought he'd imagined it. But no, when he looked up, Cas' eyes were open. The usual bright blue was now pale but Dean had never seen them so beautiful. 

"Cas..." DeanDean's voice came out in a broken sob. He was overwhelmed. Cas was awake. That meant he would make it. Right? That's what it had to mean. 

"Dean, I'm so sorry. I don't want to die. I don't want to leave you. Or Sam." Dean's heart broke just a little more. Cas sounded destraught. 

"Shh baby. It's okay. You aren't going anywhere. I promise." Cas' mouth raised in a small smile before his eyes closed again. It was the last time his eyes would open for a month. 

Dean spent that month like the one he'd spent before. Except he now knew what happened. Sam had went and found the demon that did this. It was all because of Dean. Castiel was laying in a hospital because of Dean. The demon was someone Dean had tortured in hell. Someone that promised to destroy Dean. And they did a damn good job. Dean was broken. He was just a shell of the man he was just two months ago. Cas was Dean's life now. If he died, so did Dean. 

Dean kept apologizing. He couldn't stop. The words kept pouring out. He apologized for everything. He apologized for ever being angry at Cas. For making Cas feel like he wasn't wanted. For causing all of this pain. He apologized for ever meeting Castiel. Maybe, just maybe if they'd never met this wouldn't have happened. Castiel would have spent eternity as an angel, blissfully unaware. And that would have been okay. Dean even apologized for falling for Cas. That was the ultimate downfall for both of them. It made Dean vulnerable. And it endangered Cas. 

Dean was in the middle of apologizing for the hundredth time when Cas woke up. 

"I'm so sorry Cas. I'm sorry I did this to you. I'm sorry I ever got involved with you." Dean's eyes were wet, the tears that had already fallen now drying on his cheeks. Cas tried to brush them away. 

"Dean, don't..."

"Too late Cas. I'm so fucking sorry. You know I'm right. None of this would be happening if we'd stayed away. Falling was our biggest mistake." It killed Dean to say that. No matter how true. It killed Cas to hear it because he knew it wasn't true. 

"Don't--- ever! Don't ever apologize for.... us. Don't... don't apologize for... who we were. You made me... so happy Dean. We did our best... we gave it... out best try... and it was... really beautiful." Dean's tears flowed down his cheeks. There was no stopping it. He knew Cas wasn't going to live. They wouldn't grow old together. There would be no more arguing over the stupidest of things. Or the lightest of touches. There would only be the darkest of holes in Dean's heart. It was over. 

Dean reached for Cas' hand and brought it to his lips. 

"I love you Cas. I always have. And I always will. You put me back together in more then one way. You saved my life." Cas smiled. His breathing was ragged. It wouldn't be much longer. 

"I love you too Dean. More then anything. I may have been an angel, but you gave me the courage to use my wings. Thank you my love." 

That was it. There was nothing else. Cas' hand went limp. His chest stopped moving. His eyes fluttered shut. The machine flat lined. Cas' heart had stopped. 

And so did Dean's.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Love, 
> 
> Nina Weems


End file.
